My life of late...

You know ever since we moved in with Lee's parents a couple of years ago I have been ill. We moved in here to help Lee's family, and I feel Like a burden. I have felt pretty useless...
I first started with just a cold and the flu and since it was winter I didn't think much of it. But it kept hanging on, or I never really felt good. When I finally got to the doctor he said I had a viral infection and I was just going to have to ride it out. Well then I was hit with some other stuff, won't go into details here. But after a while my doctor ran some tests and said I was immune to Epstein Bar virus, but the thing about that he said was under stress those systems would present. Well, geez, I think for anybody who knows our family knows that we are a pretty stressful bunch. Soooo, I have been doing my best not to stress, easier said then done. And to top it off I have had to deal with pain from an old injury to my hip that causes me constant pain. I am begining to think our ward thinks I am inactive, I miss church so much. I have been dealing with the pain and going the past month, but it hurts, it hurts when I walk, it hurts when I sit, it hurts when I climb stairs, it hurts to go shopping,it even hurts to drive.

So for the past two years it has been one thing or another, and it is really frustrating to not feel in control of my body. And it has been really difficult to not give in to depression, really hard.
I think about Lee being in pain for years, and I mean years, since as long as we have been married. I am humbled by that knowledge. I am also very lucky to have a husband who is patient with me and my moods. Beacause I can get pretty cranky when I am in pain, and sometimes it can go on for days...agghh...

I am trying to endure, but it would be nice to have some releif, maybe if I knew why I was going through this right now I would be more understanding as it is I am just getting by.
I want to say to my family and friends, "I am sorry if I have been short with you, or if I haven't been by to visit, or if I have just plain forgotten about you, I am sorry. Know I love you and miss you all...

Trying to smile when I want to cry...really I am...